Just wanted to share this quote that I found today that I think I love.
I might just have to also say before I go, that some days I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Something that makes me different, that makes me unable to fit in completely with the world around me. And I have to remind myself that this feeling will eventually go away, and that there will be days when I know with every essence of my being that here is where I belong.
But when you know two conflicting ideas to be true, which one do you believe?
(Not that I know that there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Cuz I shore hope to goodness that there ain't, cuz that would be kind problematic and mess up my life, ya know??)
And speaking of here being where I belong, I've been thinking that it's time for me to move on. Taste the life in a bigger city, where more is happening.
But you see, this brings more conflict. Because there are things that tie me to this home of mine. Like my father, who is sick, and my mother who works too hard, and my brother, who might have to work harder if I leave. But I've gotta leave sometime right?
I've been feeling, simultaneously, that it is time for me to move, and that I am not ready--that I will never be ready--to move on. To grow up and figure this life out for myself, once and for all.
I keep thinking of this story I read in one of those condensed Reader's Digest books, about this girl who ran away to marry her lover, leaving behind her mother with her abusive father. (This description does not do it justice.) It spoke to me about leaving the place you've always called home, and leaving behind others who will have to somehow learn to cope with your absence...that you have to choose between two impossible things sometimes.
Leaving seems impossible. Staying is comfortable, but I cannot stay here forever. This is home, but it's not home. I belong here, but it is not where I belong.
I want to believe in myself, believe in a better future, and take advantage of the opportunities that I have. I have to try. I've only got but this one life, and I've gotta live it 'till there's nothing left.
Kudos to you if this makes any sense to you. I've just reread it briefly, and in my mind it seems a little selfish and immature. I'm not sure I've explained myself properly.
I really, really have to go now.