I think I've been so used to being alone, by myself, without having friends that I've forgotten how to talk to people, to be myself around them, to start conversations and feel comfortable around others. I've forgotten how to make friends.
It's hard to be alone. When things are tough it's hard not to wish that you have a pair of arms around you, squeezing you tightly. It's hard to be alone and have no one you can make yourself understood to, someone who sees the other side of you--the side that others can't see. It's hard not to have someone on your side who understands why things went badly for you one day, or to encourage you when you think you've messed up. I so badly miss having friends. I miss being part of a group. I miss fitting in so easily that it's not something to even think about, it's something that just is.
I can't sleep worrying about tomorrow. I'm hurting, and worried and I don't feel like I can take much more of this. I know it's wrong to feel this way, and I should trust God. It's just hard. It's so hard.
I don't know why I'm going through this. I can't see the end, and I want this to end soon.