This week though, I got so tired of retreating back into my old habits, of trying to just forget everything and drown God out. I asked God to help me make it through this week doing things the proper way, and last night, when I climbed into bed and I started crying and talking to God, I just felt His warm, comforting, and loving presence. I was reassured of God's love for me, and I felt much better. The experience is beyond words.
The thing is, it takes going through a little pain to get to that place where you give your hurts to God instead of trying to bury the issue. But when you finally surrender your will, it's all worth it in the end.
Today was tough, but God is with me. I don't have to be the same anymore.
O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and my uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways...I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfullly made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. (Psalm 139:1-3, 14)