I'd probably not mention it, though, if someone asked me what I want to do with my life in the next five years, or the next ten. I'd say that I hope to finish school, to find a good job, get my own place, maybe move somewhere warm and sunny. But I wouldn't mention the children I dream of having one day, or the husband I hope one day to love.
I'm the kind of person who easily will say, "I don't need to get married" or,"I'm never getting married". Mostly because I'm not open with the things that matter most to me. Usually.
But sometimes, when you fight, I believe those words I say.
Is this what marriage is like? I think to myself. Or, I'm never getting married if this is what it's like.
I see the two people I've known all my life brush past each other in the hallway by the kitchen, not looking at each other, each angry at the other, one on his way out the door. I know the way this goes. I've seen this scene enough times to know what comes next.
And I can't help but remembering those few memories I have of those same two people when I was younger, and they were still in love. And I look at their faces and I remember the smiling faces in photographs and I think, these people used to be in love.
I know that these fights don't always last, but I never see you make up. I only see that things slowly simmer down and return to normal. I rarely see those moments that show me that you love each other--really love each other.
When you fight, I wonder if I should ever marry, if I should ever risk my heart with someone if this is what it's like.