I've been staying up late lately. I usually only do this when something's bugging me.
This time last year, I was going through hell on earth. It's gotten better. But I feel echoes of the pain and the memories of all that happened this time last year. You know, they say that time heals all wounds, and I thought that that's what had happened. Time had passed, things had gotten better....but I didn't know it still hurt like this.
Revisiting some places and events that reminds me of the way things used to be....I try to push the pain away and be strong, to handle it on my own, because I'm sick of crying. I've cried enough over this already. I thought they were old wounds. They still hurt.
Sometimes I feel so alone. I've never talked about this to anyone. It hurts so much, but around everyone I don't let it show. I smile, or keep my face emotionless. Or I look away and hide my face so they can't see the hurt written all over it.
It has gotten better. Much better. This time last year, I could not imagine a future this bright, or that I even had a future. Sometimes I feel so happy and so free, and I relish the moment, because there was a time when I could not imagine being happy.
Life is not perfect. It will never be. But there are so many good things in life, and through my difficult time I have learned a lot. I learned a few things about God, and His love for me, and though I don't always turn to Him first when I'm hurting, I know He's always there and always will be.
-Give to others, even though you are hurting inside. Do not let your pain make you forget that others are in need.
-Love with all your heart.
-Always be kind. Do not, even in jest, put others down. Though they have a smile on their face, you don't know what they are really feeling inside.
-Focus on the best in others. Treasure the good memories of the people you once knew. Let go of all the bad.
-Be a friend to those who have none.
-Go the extra mile. Do the little things for people that brightens their day and makes their life a little bit easier.
Sometimes its good to get a little dose of reality every now and then just to put life into perspective.
That's a thought that came into my head after I faced a situation today that brought back feelings I hadn't felt in a while.
Sometimes things go wrong, and things happen that you don't understand, but it helps to remember that you're not alone, even when no one else on the planet understands what you are feeling.